008 Sideweight Radio – The Fastest Way to Build Trust

Your network is your networth. Now that we are going where the culture lives, we are meeting lots of new people. Let’s examine the fastest way to build trust.

Build Trust

“No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone’s eyes.

– Paulo Coelho

In this podcast, I share a personal story about how I failed in building trust. Then I share the lesson from the failure to help you build trust as fast as possible.

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Personal Failure

This week, I went to rhyme at Austin Coffee. When I got on stage, I made a huge mistake.

My eye contact sucked. I could feel a disconnect between myself and the audience as a result.

Because the audience did not feel engaged, the reaction was nowhere near the kind that I strive to receive.

What can I learn from this shortcoming?

Fastest Way to Build Trust

Drum roll please…

Appropriate eye contact is the fastest way to build trust.

Eye contact can restore our optimism in people. It can reestablish a sense of connectedness. It can make us feel special. It can excite our bodies and minds.

Properly used eye contact seems magical.

Make Me Feel Special

“We are living in a world where no one, it seems, has attention for anyone or anything for more than a few moments. How rare it is when someone pays attention to us. Consider the wording of the phrase: pay attention. In industrialized nations, at least, attention is becoming almost as scarce a resource as money. Someone who “pays” it to you is giving you something of true value.”
– Michael Ellsberg

We all love to feel special. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People was written to this tune.

Think about the last time you were in the front row of a concert, and the performer looked you directly in the eyes.

Those moments feel special.

We walk off the train with a fuzzy feeling in our stomachs after a fleeting moment of genuine eye contact with an attractive stranger.

We crave to spend time around the performer and the stranger-in-passing because their gazes made us feel special.

How does someone properly use eye contact?

The Power of Telepathy

“I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart.

– Pope John XXIII

Our eyes emit thoughts and feelings. You can see people’s faces display expressions of happiness, sadness, confusion, anger, and more.

Often when we are with our intimates – family, close friends, and lovers – we can have entire conversations without speaking a word. Exchanging glances sufficiently expresses the message.

In fact, communication sustained through eye contact can be so telling that it has given way to Eye Gazing Parties in New York. Singles meet up and look into each others’ eyes. Based on this alone, people choose whether or not to pursue a partner.

Don’t Be a Weirdo

Eyes that dart away too fast seem fearful.

Eyes that linger too long feel invasive.

The balance of eye contact is much like walking a tightrope. You will be able to recognize when the balance feels off.

Show the person with whom you are interacting that you are interested. Stay neutral; don’t over dramatize your responses. Let your gaze feel soft and welcoming.

Who comes to mind when you think of a person who meets anyone and makes them feel welcome and at ease? Picture that person’s body language, especially facial expressions, when they engage someone else. Note how they look people in the eye.

To Sum It Up

For the fastest way to build trust use proper eye contact. Make someone feel special. Use your eyes to transmit thoughts and feelings that lighten up the atmosphere. Be cool, not dodgy or creepy. Remain interested yet neutral.  Keep your gaze soft.

Closing Comments

1. I am excited to announce my first book is coming soon!

2. I, like you, am exploring my own true self throughout the Great Adventure. The Mystery of Life maintains my sense of wonder.

3. If you have an idea for a podcast you would like to hear or a question you want answered in an upcoming episode,

or e-mail me


Bill Clinton’s Reality Distortion Field by Tim Ferriss

Why Trust Is Worth It

The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

Question: When was the last time a moment of eye contact with a stranger made you feel like you have known them your whole life? You can share your story in a comment below.