010 Sideweight Radio – How to Create Harmony

Have you ever wondered how some individuals seem to always get their way? Somehow these individuals can quickly make others feel comfortable and understood. What is the secret to their tact?

How to Create Harmony

“Harmony is pure love, for love is complete agreement. ”
– Lope de Vega

In this podcast, we will explore “yes, and” psychology. Understanding how to use this powerful psychology will help us create harmony, access the flow state, and maximize opportunities.

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How to Create Harmony

“When a person says “No” and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism— glandular, nervous, muscular— gathers itself together into a condition of rejection… The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says “Yes,” none of the withdrawal activities takes place. The organism is in a forward-moving, accepting, open attitude.”
– Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

Learning from Improv Comedy

“Harmony makes small things grow,
lack of it makes great things decay.”
– Sallus

Improv comedians take the stage with little idea how the performance will go. How do the comedians ensure they deliver hysterical performances reliably?

The corner stone of improv comedy is “yes, and…”

This perceptual filter guarantees we do two things:

1. We accept whatever comes to us at face value.

2. We build upon what has been given to us.

This enables performers to craft elaborate scenes based on an open-ended suggestion like a profession or a phrase. The psychology creates a labyrinth filled with doors of perception leading into other dimensions.

Applying “Yes, And” to More Challenging Situations

“When the conversation began, he was always of my opinion,
and when it ended, I was always of his.”
– the Pope, Getting Past No by William Ury

Not all situations will be as easy as an improv comedy arena. In improv, everybody wants the same outcome, to make the audience laugh.

Sometimes, things aren’t so clear cut. Sometimes, the participants don’t want the same outcome you want. Sometimes, your audience may actually want an opposing outcome.

In sales, I talk to many families that say no. In fact, lots of families make a pact that they will not buy anything. On more than one occasion, I have sold to people who told me they were not going to buy anything.

When they tell me that in the beginning, I agree with them. I assure them that I hope they say no if they feel this wouldn’t benefit them.

Rather than oppose them, I join their side. The initial agreement opens their minds to listening. YES

Once we resonate, I can build on top of the situation. AND…

In Sum

“Yes, and…” psychology empowers us to work with what we are given and build upon that. Rather than feeling out of tune with the environment, this psychology makes us tune in. You can apply this to become more present and playful.

Closing Comments

1. I am excited to announce my first book is coming soon!

2. I, like you, am exploring my own true self throughout the Great Adventure. The Mystery of Life maintains my sense of wonder.

3. If you have an idea for a podcast you would like to hear or a question you want answered in an upcoming episode,

or e-mail me


Improv 101 by Bob Kulhan

SAK Comedy Lab

Getting Past No by William Ury

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Question: How can you apply the “yes, and” psychology and create more harmony? You can share your thoughts in a comment below.